I've barely blogged at all this year, and I'm sorry. I'm still drawing, still working, but the thing is that I had another baby.
In my post from last year called Motherhood and Career, I said this:
People ask me how I manage to “find a balance.” The answer is, I don’t so much “find a balance” as I do “manage to get through the day.”If this was true for one kid, it's double true with double the kids. In my old post, I talked about how difficult it had been to adjust to becoming a mom, but how things had gotten better over time. I was able to look back at the dark valley and feel proud of myself for getting through it.
Well, I'm writing this blog post from another valley. It's been even harder, more stressful, more difficult, than the first one. And yet it's also less difficult because I've been through one before, and I know I can do it. One early morning at a time, one sleep regression at a time, one flu season and late-night deadline crunch at a time. Some days it's a struggle to even find the time and space to shower. Blogging has, to say the least, not been a priority, as much as I miss it.
I cling to the hope that, someday, I will look back on this period and feel proud of myself. That I will look back and see that this experience leveled me up in ways I couldn't perceive at the time.
If you're asking yourself, "why did you decide to have another kid, then, if it's so hard??" to you I say I DON'T KNOW. IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME EITHER. I guess I must find it worth it, on some level? My kids are pretty cute. One of them says funny things. And the other one has these amazing little chubby baby legs. And don't get me started on her precious little hands omg I can't even!
I realize this blog post is mostly incoherent. That's my point: things have been rough. My brain is, like...I don't know. Like those ratty, stained kitchen rags my husband uses to wrap tofu in before he presses it to get the water out.
What was I saying? Woah, it's already 9:30 PM! My bedtime. I should wrap this up.
If you take anything away from this post, please let it be this: if you know an artist who is a parent of young kids, know that they created their art through a haze of sleep deprivation and exhaustion. Take a second to let them know that you see them. That you see their art.
And if you ARE an artist who is also a parent of young kids: I see you. I respect you. You're not alone.
Happy New Year.